Showing posts from August, 2016


I've quit to behave to be liked by people. But this doesn't mean I'll behave however I want and say whatever I want to say, of course.
Always with respect.
I had used Facebook for almost 5 years and all the sudden, deleted it. It's still been less than a week now but I know I'm not going to back on it.
The last screen showed on "Account Deletion" said your account will forever be deleted within 14 days if you don't log back in. So mine is still alive if I wanted to be back but I'll let the 14th day come and erase it.

The Game

Who breaks the silence first?  You or him? I know I didn't do wrong. Just silence-game is going on here.  Let me set the scene.

Wander in the night

Scribble scribble... The ping of messenger penetrates the tympanum and vibrates my nerves. I can't sleep without lights when I'm alone. I just can't help starting to imagine supernatural objects I've seen on TV. How can people not think of it when they sleep? I can hear some sounds from the neighbor living in the first floor that relieve me a bit. I can tell myself that I'm not the only one who's awake. Let's sleep while they're still up. Look at the lamp on the nightstand. "How many times do I sleep on this bed?" Then look at Jan's pillow awaiting its owner's return.



Wakey wakey

We've got roller shutter on all windows in our apartment. That's what wakes us up in the morning as it opens up with the time you set the night before.  Right up until it goes up you're in a deep sleep in the dark and suddenly you feel as if the shower of light hits you wearing a night vision device, just like a movie, or you get caught by the spot light of the helicopter in the dark, like a movie. Ok, this is too much but you can even feel the contraction of pupils in the white light. It works better than when the alarm wakes me. This is how I woke this morning. The digital watch is displaying 8:00. Oops, I slept too long. 

Reunion after the trip

The late afternoon we walked to his parents. 3 minutes away. Every time they come back from their trip they give us a ring and tell that they're back. This means they've got presents for us from the trip and we should come by and have a coffee and biscuits with them. Then "Present time".  All the stuff nicely laid on a rack placed on the left side of the living room entrance and they show them to us proudly as if some of their belongings is about to be inherited. And his mom explains where, when, why, and how they got it to us, on each present and it's finally handed to us. This is a ritual. We've got a bottle of Canadian Maple Syrup, Maple tea, and a T-shirt with some prints of Maple leaves. 

Sunday chill

Woke up with uncomfortable dreams. Once I realized that I'm awake and it was a dream I tried to figure out how I slept in the bed.  They say that you have nightmares when your heart is under pressure, for example, your hand was on your chest, you were sleeping on left shoulder and your chest was closing..and so on. I don't know if this is proved but as for me this theory is correct. I didn't want to go back to bed where I had the nightmare so I decided to get up and have breakfast.
I made those (burnt) pancakes a few mornings ago and kept them in the freezer. It has about 10g protein each. I usually have them when I go to the gym in a couple of hours. Made a cup of coffee, had a glass of juice, I'm good to go. 
Later, I have to come by Jan's parents. They're back from their 2 week-vacation in Canada.  Every time I come back home from them my cheek gets sore from smiling the whole time. 
Get to their door, pinch my cheek, and press the bell. Smile.
You gotta loo…

A Chocolate Chiffon Cake

After I cooked dinner I baked a chocolate cake, thinking that he'd like it.  A chiffon cake.  It just disappears in your mouth once you have it.  When I bake a cake for birthdays or anniversary, nothing but chiffon comes to celebrate it. It's just better than other cakes in any way. Softer, moister, richer, more flavorful, feels fragile and elegant at once.


Greek dinner on one Saturday night

On 13th, Saturday evening we got together with Anni, Jan's younger sister who just came back from NYC and Boston trip.  She lives in a town ca. 40 min-drive away from us but she stayed her parents house to rest the night and we decided to eat outside that day.  We get a few chance to meet.

30th June Exam

The reason I moved back to Germany in the late Spring is for this exam even though the school starts in Fall. The subjects I had to take were English, Math, and German. I couldn't just help wondering why they test even mathematics even though it's a language school... But I had to study for it anyway. Earlier this year I had bought 2 of mathematics exercise books for the first high school year. I'd completely forgotten the existence of "absolute value"... Do you? I started to study as if I saw the numbers and characters for the first time. Some smoke almost started to come out of my head everyday. "I can't remember how I did this..." No matter how many times I read the explanation of its solution I just can't get it. People say "you just remember how to solve it as it is" but I, just, can't, get it. But I can learn like that when I studied English. "Because you learn the language. It's the way it is". This works for …

24th June Lake

It had been very hot days and this day the temperature went up to 38 degrees. Earlier this day Jan and I were walking towards the gym and I joked that we could go swimming. It was till June and I was of course not ready for swimming but Jan took it seriously and asked me "why not?" And this didn't sound bad to me so we ended up driving to the lake in the forest.
It had been a while since I bathed in the water outside as I can't even remember last time I went to a beach in Summer. After we put sunscreens all over our bodies I was looking at the lake and and couldn't bring myself to go ahead and start to swim yet while Jan was just waiting for me to decide to go.. We got a place on the grass in the sun on an upper hill and went down to the water surface. I dipped my toes in the water. The water was a lot colder than I expected....but I expected it'd feel cold. He kept walking into the water and I was desperate saying "don't leave me alone! Lol" I…