Wander in the night

Scribble scribble...
The ping of messenger penetrates the tympanum and vibrates my nerves.
I can't sleep without lights when I'm alone. I just can't help starting to imagine supernatural objects I've seen on TV.
How can people not think of it when they sleep?
I can hear some sounds from the neighbor living in the first floor that relieve me a bit. I can tell myself that I'm not the only one who's awake. Let's sleep while they're still up.
Look at the lamp on the nightstand.
"How many times do I sleep on this bed?"
Then look at Jan's pillow awaiting its owner's return.

Jan is a great guy. All his coworkers like him a lot. I see that when I fly with standby tickets and talk to them who have worked with him.
Their faces are blushing when they first see me.
"Oh you're his wife! I'm so happy to see you on board" and they go down on knees and talk to me just like when a kindergarten teacher talks to the pupil. Same eyes.
They always give me a bag full of snack and bottles of water from business class and the passengers sitting around me always give me the look "who is she actually?" I know I'm the lucky one on board, every time. I've already got to know some of Frankfurt base crews introduced by Jan.
The more connection from him is made the harder it gets for me to pull myself out of the whole situation in which I live. I always felt it ever since I first came to Germany. ...Why?...
I'd better stop wondering. There will be no answer to that.

I turned off the light.
I thought I could sleep without the light.
The perfect darkness which is made by the roller shutter wrapped me tight.



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