26 September, 2016

10 years down on the road?

Divorce Support Expert asks:
"There may be some initial gratification but how will you feel five or ten years down on the road?
Will you regret not putting more effort into solving marital problems?"

Do people divorce considering what it would be like in 10 years?
I certainly didn't.
In 10 years I will be 37 and Jan will be 45. Not bad.
What would our lives in 10 years be like?
We both would surely be working. Kids would be there too. Maybe in an elementary school or preschool.

25 September, 2016

I'll take the lighter one

"Don't let the emotions overwrite your heart."
"Which one makes you smile or feel lighter? Still being married in 6 months there or being free and able to do whatever you want/need in Japan?"
"If you really didn't want to split you wouldn't have come this far by now."
"Yes, this happens. People see good memories and tend to forget bad ones..and yes, you can look back too. You can remember memories but then remember eeeverything. You know."

Unorganized notes

Woke up with Sunday sun. Alone. Jan's gone on a flight to Tokyo again. My head is still drowsy but full of thoughts on our divorce issue. Can a brain work at full speed once eyes open after 8 hour sleep?
Now I feel like becoming an interviewer to those who got through divorce asking what part was tough to work out, if they ever regretted splitting, or if they think that was the right decision.
They got married in love with each other and so did we.


There are some kinds of tears. Joy. Happiness. Loss. Loneliness. Setback. Goodbye. 
None of these is mine.

Follow your heart? or listen to your brain?

22nd Sept. 15:00 We met the lawyer.

Am I the one who broke our marriage? Have I been disrespectful?
I cancelled the appointment for job hunting.

Trying to keep it happening and going. Do I have to go slower and think?
Maybe stay here, work, and have a family?
Should I have more patience? Coincidentally I've read in a book that says Marriage is compromise and hard work, and then more hard work and communication and compromise. And then work. 

Have I compromised anything? Am I just pushing through what I want and trying to leave here just because things didn't turn out how I thought it would?

Should I give it a try one more time?

Someone help me.

14 September, 2016

Turkey Thighs for Wednesday dinner

I didn't know "PUTE" in German means Turkey until a couple of days ago.
I've had turkey breasts not knowing that's turkey but believing that's chicken a little while ago.
I was at the grocery store near home one day and looking for some meat.
Rich in protein..
And then turkey thighs were what I saw. The skin looks different....was he killed as he got goosebumps? (just laugh at me)
I saw the small picture of turkey on the label and decided to buy it.
2 thighs (770g) for €2,55. Not bad, isn't it?

06 September, 2016

Last visit at the school

Last Sunday night we'd sent email to the secretary that I would resign my school contract and return my student ID.
I slept until 7am today (Monday 5th Sept), not at 4:40 anymore.
Woke up with the slight guilt and

First and Last time

I swear this is the very first time and the last time in my life I've ever quit something that I was going to work hard on.
Here I have to... want to make it clear that I'm not a quitter. Because , you know what?, I've worked hard to get to here since I was 19 years old.
The reason I

My views of school days

"Wake up."

01 September, 2016

First School day

29th August, 2016
My very first day of school. I woke up at 5:00. Jan told me he'd give me a ride there so I'd got some extra time to get ready ready (my heart was beating fucking fast) till 7:00.
I've got a nice THE NORTH FACE backpack from Tokyo with my friend and this is going to be my buddy throughout the school year.

31 August, 2016


I've quit to behave to be liked by people. But this doesn't mean I'll behave however I want and say whatever I want to say, of course.
Always with respect.
I had used Facebook for almost 5 years and all the sudden, deleted it. It's still been less than a week now but I know I'm not going to back on it.
The last screen showed on "Account Deletion" said your account will forever be deleted within 14 days if you don't log back in. So mine is still alive if I wanted to be back but I'll let the 14th day come and erase it.