Phone call broke the silence

So many things going on in my head. Job and apartment hunt and rebuilding my life. 
I'm on start over. This almost makes me faint. 
But I will be soon ok again.

My friends envied me for being married to a gentle man, having a stable life, and being ready to have a family. This was just a status that has made me look a girl that's one stage higher than where they were. At least how they sounded. 
People get jealous of what they don't have and so do I.
The moment I returned to Japan for the first time after our marriage and saw my friends, I regretted what I did. Actually the whole time in Germany. 
Getting married and having a family seemed like how my life would go. But no. I was still fucking 23. 
An immature, insecure girl who had been affected by a life in overseas and didn't know anything about what the life would be like. 
But I've leaned and learned. Now I'm back on the track again. 

My husband is understanding enough to let me back on track. 


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