10 years down on the road?
"There may be some initial gratification but how will you feel five or ten years down on the road?
Will you regret not putting more effort into solving marital problems?"
Do people divorce considering what it would be like in 10 years?
I certainly didn't.
In 10 years I will be 37 and Jan will be 45. Not bad.
What would our lives in 10 years be like?
We both would surely be working. Kids would be there too. Maybe in an elementary school or preschool.
One benefit will stay as we have now. We would get to see my family in Japan with 90% off tickets up to 4 times a year. ...I can't think of any others for now.
He won't stop flying till he retires (that's what he repeats). Would I be able to keep the balance of work and household, and handle emergencies of sick kid(s) without any friends and my family when he's absent half the month total with flights?
He says "You can ask my parents". No way no way.
His parents threw all that work to their nanny and when they cooked they only used cooked-frozen food that you just need to microwave or warm up in a pan.
I wouldn't let such (an) irresponsible parent(s) take care of my kids.
This is my biggest concern if we stayed married here.
So the past few days while Jan's gone in Japan I have thought up of a couple of ideas. Here we don't go too much in detail and debate if those would be possible.
1). I return (again) to Japan to work and save up for another year or two. Then I come back to Germany and have a family (he frowned on the phone).
2). He continues flying anyway. So I stay in Japan (with kids) and he gives us some amount of budget (he frowned on the phone). So that I would have my family near me to help sometimes and not have to be stressed out as much I do here.
"I’ve heard it said that it takes three years to recover from a divorce. Let’s face it though; most people are searching for or, in a new marriage within two years of divorce. Loneliness and financial strain motivate most to begin looking for a new partner shortly after their divorce is final. That means your focus isn’t on healing but on moving on to something new.
Here is the problem, if you don’t take the time to heal and address your role in the demise of your last marriage, you will take those same issues into your next marriage. You may find yourself just as unhappy in your next marriage as you were in your last. In my consulting practice I’ve often had clients ask me, “Why didn’t I try harder to make the first one work?”I am not interested in or going to look for a better relationship now. (Our relationship itself is good af)
Honestly I (we) have been emotionally tired since all this started (just like other couples). I would stay single (not a swinger!) for a while if we split.
I wouldn't understand some people jump into a new marriage within such a short period of time even though they know (they sure do) that they're not ready yet.
Look at Heidi Klum. Poor kids.
The mom has hooked up with several men in a row. How would they grow up? Just like their mom.
If I gave it a try, would things work out at some point and I would think "I'm glad we didn't have a divorce"?